the sea witch
this post mentions past abuse (though not in detail) and topics that may be triggering for people with body image issues.
well, hello to anyone reading this. i don't plan to try to garner an audience or even link people to this blog from social media or anything. i'm kind of looking to keep it as obscure as possible, honestly. i'll be surprised if anyone ever sees this, but i do like the idea of one or two strangers just stumbling upon it and finding it a little bit interesting one day. maybe it'll be a digital relic after i die, if the internet as we know it lasts that long.
anyway.
the background info
i made this blog in 2022 and have never used it, though that first paragraph is from a post i started typing out back then, actually. i have not been great at committing to things or giving them my undivided attention. this has been due largely to my various “internal struggles”, shall we say, but also because my life has objectively been full of a lot of ups and downs the past few years.
i don’t really feel like giving a whole recap and doubt anyone would want to read one, but basically: i moved out of my abusive family’s home to live with my partner, J, in 2020. which is great, and we are still together and i adore him, but moving right at the start of the pandemic resulted in some interesting challenges. plus, i only started really feeling the effects of the past abuse once i was away from the situation— i didn’t suddenly become mentally stable when i moved out, and in fact have been through multiple serious crises since 2020. it’s taken years of trauma therapy at this point to become a real, functional person.
maybe one day i’ll talk about what it was like to just exist as a dissociative jellyfish floating through the world, perpetually bemused by the fact that it’s alive. i don’t really have the exact words for it right now. suffice it to say, it is very surreal to suddenly feel like a sentient person in your late 20s/early 30s.
because of my trauma history and predisposition to freaking the fuck out, i haven’t been able to finish a bachelor’s degree yet. i do have an associate’s, but that was earned between two different failed attempts at a bachelor’s. between that and everything else, it’s really hard not to dwell on having lost so much time, but all i can do is keep it pushing.
the current state of things
for the sake of clarity, i’ll include a little list of my present mental health diagnoses:
adhd, ocd, ptsd, bipolar 1, bpd, gad, possibly some other stuff i’m forgetting.
in the past, these issues were pretty much untreated. no one really seemed to know what to do with me. finally, though, i’m in a pretty good place. things aren’t perfect, but i’m very lucky for the professionals & programs that have helped me achieve the level of stability i’ve found.
i’m enrolled at a local college as a history major (possibly with an english and/or public history minor) and am going to start classes in the fall. my goal is to finish my bachelor’s as efficiently as i can while balancing school and life, and then go into a library & information science master’s program.
i’m currently obese, which is a relatively recent development in my life— i’m not used to it, and i hate it; i was previously an athletic person— but will possibly/probably(?) be going on a glp1 soon. i know this is controversial among more progressive-minded, body positive people, but i need somewhere to talk about it, so it will probably come up in my updates here.
the plan for this blog
i’m intending to write recaps of how my personal life is going at the end of every month, including mental & physical health & weight loss, relationship things, school, pets, hobbies. writing fiction is my main hobby, so that will likely be brought up here. J and i are planning a novel together and i usually have other projects of my own going on.
i may also write posts about my past, though i don’t intend to share really lurid details about the exact situations i’ve been through, just if i have something thoughtful or useful to say. i don’t want to aimlessly trauma dump. it’s also possible that i’ll feel like making blog posts about various history and literature topics i’m studying in school, or opinions on various social issues, if i’m informed enough on the subjects.
you have probably noticed that i’m typing in all lowercase. it’s pretty much just a stylistic choice. i’m going to make an effort to compose my thoughts clearly and eloquently on here, but i do want to maintain some level of informality. i want to feel comfy in my little internet grotto, first and foremost, but i hope any potential readers are comfortable here too.
with that, i bid you farewell for now.
